I was grinding coffee for Joe this morning I smiled to think I have had this Mr. Coffee grinder since the early 1990’s. My thoughts went to thinking about all the treasures I keep from people over the years. I realized it is part of my practice, to hold space for people through the gifts they have given.
I have had people share with me, “if you are no longer in my life, I rid myself of the things you gave me”. I may have done that in the early part of my life and it never made me feel better. I have learned to channel the emotion of the hurt, and be accountable for my actions, even if the other party is unwilling, which is challenging. I have had the experience of someone being so angry with me they sent me back what I gave them in an unmarked box. I destroyed it in a ceremony and kept an angel statue given me by the same person. I bless it and choose to focus on the love we share. It took me time to get there, I persevered in healing myself over time.
Over the years I have made many mistakes in relationships and through those lessons I consciously choose to hold space for those who suffer, in the hope we find our way back to one another. Working with people in a healing setting as given me the understanding of how personal suffering is and how we can help in a silent way, by holding space for them to find their way back to peace.
Through the last 15 years I have had some very difficult lessons on people being removed from my life, the questions, the guilt the wondering how to handle it and should I fix it or let it go? I have gone through the emotions of these questions and re-evaluated my behavior and the cause of the separation, until, after years, I came to the realization its okay. Their part in the story of my journey with them is over, for now.
I learned to accept my humanness in letting things be as they are, and hold space for what would come.
As a problem solver the hardest thing I have ever been guided to do is Nothing. And to wait, trust and be a keeper of the space.
I am learning every day to let go. I want you to know I share all my experiences with you in my thoughts, my feelings and my heart with the perception that separation is an illusion and that all those I love are always with me.