As I am walking my dogs this morning I hear the sound of a Crow and I look up and I begin smiling. I am familiar with Crow, as it has been a constant presence and reminder of the path I walk. I stop to observe the crow in the school yard beyond the fence where I am walking, and I laugh at how it “hops” twice before taking flight. I am sure it has a deeper meaning, reminding me how crow came to be my medicine.
Years ago I lived alone in California in a condominium in an upstairs unit. I walked every morning around the complex. There were an abundance of crows. Feathers always dropped on my path and one morning there were 2 large crow feathers I noticed. I said thank you, and left them as I did not want to be greedy.
The next morning I came bounding down the stairs and as I reached the bottom it was as if someone had placed those 2 feathers for me to take. With joy I grabbed them up and gave thanks and laughed at the irony. The message seemed clear and strong and helped me realize I had work to do!
I struggled with doubt, and crow taught me the lesson of integrity over and over. I constantly questioned my judgements and motives, checking and rechecking how I affect people and situations. As so many talented and gifted people I felt alone. I did not have the courage yet to stand in my truth and live true to my own beliefs. I kept hidden for fear of alienation. As time went on my lessons became difficult and I was challenged to listen and act upon my inner voice. I knew in my heart that time was on my side and each opportunity brought me closer to my goal. I made mistakes, lots of them, I hurt people and myself and eventually found my way. I realized early I needed to deepen my relationship within myself, if I wanted to release the feeling of “loneliness”.
I look out from behind my eyes and I know my ego/mind is seeing beyond my earlier limits. Being empathic is challenging for me at times. I have learned separation is also a gift. One gets to be alienated in order to “learn” how to be with people in a way that honors all. For me it has to come from integrity and authenticity, I am now able to give myself permission to do what is best for me, and act of self-love.
In Native teachings, Crow symbolized Law, as the book of law is bound in Crow feathers and kept by Woman. There is human law, and universal. The one Truth of the universe unites and creates life in balance and harmony.
I want to share something very personal. As many do, I hold my standard up to what I was raised to believe. I changed the foundation in which I lived, which meant letting go of what I was taught. It was hard and took a lot of self-examination. At times I felt I was betraying my parents and in another I knew they were okay and “understand” . On November 24, 2009, my dad took his journey home 16 years and 3 days after my mom. On the anniversary of my mom I lit a candle in honor of the life she lived. I felt her presence, as she waited for my dad, and I received a beautiful message from her.
“You are a faithful daughter and I’m proud of you. You stood up for what you believed in. You will always be my Jo Jo Bean”.
What a gift and an honor, one of confirmation, from a beautiful woman I am proud to call my mother.