I learn so much observing family dynamics, and from what I have experienced in my life. We choose our families to grow and evolve. I have had years of mixed emotion, fear, anxiety, guilt and shame over the differences and separation from my extended family.
I have felt burdened with the expectation of “fixing” it all. I have been told it is my duty, as I am “more evolved”. I have fought against the traditions of my upbringing and sought a new path, creating a foundation brought forth by will, strength, self-examination and universal law.
I suffered and caused suffering during this 13 year journey. Early on I realized I was an adult who had the freedom to re-create a foundation based on what I believed was right for me. I examined what I learned, shook the tree and took only what I valued, using intuition as guidance.
The challenge is to stay true to yourself in the wake of what makes you different from each other. We strive to be understood and accepted, yet it is no persons job to understand or accept you.
It must be frightening to witness someone they thought they knew makes choices against the normal patterns. NO don’t do it, something could happen or go wrong, well something did happen and is, transformation! The universal mirror, can cause you to be brave or to retreat and hide in what is familiar. As scared as I was, I forged ahead, well most of the time. I ran back many times and realized I did not fit there anymore.
I keep a journal, and I am guided by the angels of the rainbow of the light, a eclectic group of heavenly beings, who offer guidance, love and support. In 2006 I asked the angels the following question, their response is italicized.
How can I stop worrying and live my life?
You are starting to make strides. Live your life moment to moment. Get into creating and carving out something that belongs only to you. Work with your horses and things will begin to feel more grounded and your perspective will change. Start living daily and using your energy to increase your personal power and awareness. Trust yourself and say affirmations that affirm that trust.
Guilt serves no one.
Trust your truth, believe and have faith in how far you have come. Every thing you need to know will be revealed to you. Stop connecting to them empathically, trust your dreams and know that what you need to know is within you. Don’t read the energy anymore. Give it to God, period. It will be on a need to know basis. Focus within and root yourself to the Earth. Know that you are now safe and all is well. Stay focused within and trust we all have to do our own healing. You have betrayed no one, least of all yourself. It is simply your time and your turn.
I am forging a new path, and I am blessed with a strong husband who supports me. He was a catalyst for this “separation”, giving me time to develop and evolve my spirit.
I am learning to let go, forgive, unconditionally love those who could not, or would not share their feelings, which is so difficult when you are separated from the people who meant the most to you. Needless to say anger became an ally. Whenever I let the guard down, the pain would come. It became my protector, my healer and a portal into my soul.
I stepped out of what was comfortable into a abyss of darkness. I am compelled to continue this journey and I feel sharing is the path to freedom. The universe calls us to let go of the story, and if we let it, the mind can be a torture chamber, or a container that holds peace of mind. All beings come to Earth to share and give their gifts to the world.
Each generation has a consciousness and vibration. I call my parents generation the “secret keepers”. There are no secrets in the universe.
Here it is, the big reveal, Whew!! Not sure what will come of this post, only that my intention is to create healing, awareness, peace and unity.
Blessings to all, thanks for sharing!